The Five Ages of Man

To the rude bastard who came into my room before his number was called yesterday asking to be seen before his turn,

I am sorry I was unable to see you first because of your specific combination of age and gender. While you might think that your ‘type’ is unique and deserves to be seen first, I would like to inform you to the fact that each age group has a reason too as to why they think they should have priority.

Here’s how it goes:

Infant
For some reasons mothers think that babies can’t wait, and should be seen first.

(I don’t really see why that should be the case because that seems to be about all that they do: sleep, wait for hunger to come, then cry for milk, get fed, sleep, etc. It’s not like they have something else important to do.)

Child
Incompetent parents who cannot control their children think that it’s our fault when they kids get impatient and start throwing tantrums in the waiting area, so they should be seen first.

(I understand it’s embarrassing to the parents involved, but I hardly think it’s fair for the rest of the patients to subsidise your inept parenting skills with their time.)

Youth
Parents think that their school-going kids need to see the doctor sooner so they can get the medicine sooner so that they can get well sooner so they can go back to school sooner, preferably within the same day, so they should be seen first.

(Please, when your school-going child is sick, he or she needs rest. The reason why doctors treat children is not so that they can quickly go back to school and take the exam which their future so depends on, but so they can be more comfortable while they recuperate. In fact, the only reason why your kid is having a chronic headache is because of all the stress you are putting him through (to the point when he has to read 10-year series while waiting to see me!). Let him sit there and not have to do anything for a change!)

Adult
Working adults think that the whole economy will collapse if they are not back in office before lunchtime, so they should be seen first.

(Have some perspective. I don’t care who you are and what you do, but the world will go on even if you collapsed and died of a heart attack this very minute. Sometimes an illness is your body’s way of telling you to take a break.)

Adult Female
Adult females are either ‘possibly pregnant’, ‘pregnant’ or ‘recently pregnant’. Curiously, conventional wisdom states that they must not wait too long while in any of the three states, so they must be seen first.

(Fact is, it’s not exactly a strenuous exercise sitting there waiting for me. And pregnancy is a 9-month process; seeing me an hour earlier is not going to speed it up. If you’ve recently delivered, you have gone through the worst pain known to mankind, so don’t bitch about the minor discomfort that is sitting in a chair.)

Elderly
Old people think that because of their frailty, they cannot wait too long, and should be seen first.

(You are retired! What else have you got to do? The fact that you have been around this long should mean that you are used to waiting more than the rest. Certainly waiting time doesn’t seem to be an obstacle for those of you queuing outside the court for a ringside seat at the latest murder trial. For those who are in a wheelchair, why are you complaining? You’ve got your own chair when some people have to stand!)


So you see, no matter what age or gender you are, there is always some other group that think they deserve to be seen before you do.

I’m not particular, since I have to see all of you eventually anyway. I would in fact prefer an open bidding system where the highest bidder gets seen first, with the money going towards my pocket. But for some reason the clinic administration feels that that is unfair and insists on the first-come first-serve rule.

Well, I guess as long as both you and I are in this system, you’ll have to continue to wait till your turn comes up.

Sorry.

angry doc