Clues for the Clueless - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Don’t tell me how to do my job

I am sure there are many differences between you and me, but the one important difference that matters in our patient-doctor relationship is this: I went to medical school, you didn’t.

This means I went through five years of school learning about basic sciences like anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry, and medical sciences like pharmacology, pathology, and radiology.

This means I’ve seen patients in the inpatient, ambulatory, and domiciliary settings, in the paediatric, obstetric, and geriatric categories.

If some of the terms in paragraphs above are alien to you, it just goes to prove my point. Even if you understood all the terms, it still doesn’t mean you have the background knowledge or the clinical experience I possess.

I may not be the best or the most experienced doctor around (in fact I am sure I am not) but I really think I am more qualified than you.

So don’t come to me telling me you have a brain tumour because your colleague had a headache like your and it turned out to be a tumour, or that you have a slipped disc because your cousin had the same back pain and they diagnosed him to have a slipped disc. Your limited anecdotal experience does not really compare with the literally tens of thousands cases I have seen and managed.

It’s OK to disagree with my diagnosis, but when you insist that your diagnosis (not that you are qualified to make one) is the correct one, you look really stupid, like the guy in the example here:


(Guy drives his car to the mechanic.)

Guy: My car is lopsided. I think it’s the carburetor.

Mechanic: No, you have a flat tyre on the front left. Let me change the tyre for you.

Guy: No, I’m pretty sure it’s the carburetor. My cousin once had a problem like this and it turned out to be carburetor trouble.

Mechanic: Sir, I’m pretty sure it is a tyre problem. Why don’t you let me change the tyre for you and…

Guy: No! Change my carburetor!

Mechanic: Sir, do you even know where the carburetor is?


Well, I don’t know where in a car a carburetor is, so I don’t presume to tell my mechanic how to do his job.

So the next time you are tempted to tell me what your diagnosis is, ask yourself: Do I even know where my thymus is?