Down but not out... yet
Like Dr Oz Bloke, I too have been feeling low, from a combination of factors.
1. My stethoscope broke.
It's been with me through dark times, dire emergencies, and dirty toilets, but it's heard its last heart sound. I have never had this happen to me before, and I don't quite know what to do with the remains of what had literally been an extension of my professional self for so many years. I limped along the rest of the workday until I could acquire a 'loaner', but it's just not the same.
It's a stark reminder of my own mortality, and also of the number of years I have been in this profession, and how I am still angry after all these years.
2. You win a few, you lose many.
The other day I had a patient lose his temper after I challenged his immature thinking pattern. But a few minutes after storming out of the clinic, he returned, apologised for his behaviour, and we had a long talk about his problems.
But compare that with the number of patients who persist in being 'clueless', I am still on a deficit here.
3. For some people, the new year is definitely NOT going to be better.
The 'big picture' means very little when you are looking at individuals with very real problems which they cannot hope to solve on their own. It breaks the heart to see human dignity obliterated by a combination of incurable illness and crushing poverty. And more so when you realise that you yourself cannot see a viable solution for them.
It makes me want to cry 'Enough!' and wonder if there is a way I can better the world we live in more efficiently than doing what I am now doing.
But unlike Oz Bloke, I remain convinced that I am worth more alive than dead. I'll be back, fighting tooth and nail.
I just need some time to lick my wounds.