Angry Doctor

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Health Promotion Board reverses anti-cancer, anti-heart disease strategy

Health Promotion Board - An organisation that makes you believe that if you lead a healthy lifestyle, you stand a good chance of finally dropping dead suddenly without pain, suffering and big hospital bills.

- The Hobbit's Nonsensical Glossary of Healthcare Sector Terms


Bonus Bogus Story

Singapore -

The Health Promotion Board (HPB) announced today that it will cease all programmes related to the prevention of cancers and cardiovascular diseases such as heart attacks and strokes.

Mr Wee Ah Rong, spokesman for HPB, announced this at a press conference today.

"HPB has always based its health promotion strategies on the principal causes of death in Singapore, with the understanding that the biggest problems should be the ones we are tackling. However, the task force set up to study our overall strategy this year made the observation that if we were to reduce significantly the incidence of death from cancers and cardiovascular diseases, and pneumonia which is usually caused by debilitation from the diseases above, the current 5th leading cause of death, being 'accidents, poisoning and violence', would quickly become the number one cause of death in Singapore." Mr Wee explained.

"After consultation with the Health Minister, we concluded it would be unacceptable for a modern nation like Singapore to have violent death as the leading cause of death – we would be the laughing stock of the region and indeed the international community."

HPB will now instead divert its resources to making sure that Singapore continues to maintain the current status quo.

"As a First World nation, our citizens deserve to die from First World diseases, and HPB will spare no efforts to make that happen." Said Mr Wee.

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2 Comments:

  • haha.. we are wrong indeed.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 12, 2005 1:30 pm  

  • Bogus News Story

    Singapore has now become the official number one health care system in the world. WHO released the results of their recent study on global health care standards.

    Singapore's combination of western and chinese medicine has produced outstanding research results that have been able to prevent the major causes of death in the world.

    Amazingly Singapore has a <1% rate of death from heart disease, cancer and pneumonia. Rich foreigners have now flocked to Singapore to seek their patented formula for disease prevention.

    WHO has criticized Singapore for not sharing this patented formula with the rest of the world. They argue that it is selfish and not humanitarian.

    The city nation's Health Promotion Board has responded that without this patented formula for longevity, Singapore's fragile economy would collapse and they are entirely dependant on it for their economic survival.

    One of the victims of this research breakthrough was the insurance sector. Singaporeans have stopped buying insurance policies for health care.

    The number cause of death in Singapore is now accidental injuries. In most cases , death comes quick and there are little bills to pay.

    WHO is lobbying the USA, EU and ASEAN to apply import sanctions on Singapore to force them to share their health formula.

    By Anonymous Dr Oz bloke, At November 13, 2005 10:04 am  

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